Two best friends sat around joking and sharing inside stories, being typical teenage girls. One was telling a story of a road trip and jokingly mentioned to her buddy “oh and remember the night you had sex with that guy in the back of the car while I was trying to sleep” and the other replied with a laugh, “Well, we needed gas money. It got us to the next town”.
I don’t know why this memory has stuck with me so strongly, but I remember that even as we were laughing my heart sank. It was one of those deep, sinking to the pit of my stomach moments. I had so many of these during my time working with CSEC (Commercially Sexually Exploited Children) youth, but over the years I have tried to take those moments and turn them into action that will hopefully prevent situations like the ones I have encountered. Today I wanted to share some of the random things I learned through trainings and the stories I was told by the wonderful youth I encountered. (For the sake of confidentiality and out of respect for the youth I have altered the details of every story and left out any personal information.)
I generally try to keep my blog positive and upbeat, but I realized in all my writing that I have never written about the things I am most passionate about. For four years of my life (until I took time off to raise my daughter) I worked with trafficking survivors and sexual abusers, which has left a huge impact on my heart. My main goal is to help educate the public about a huge issue that runs rampant in our country but is often swept to the side. It is so easy to pretend that the ugly parts of the world don’t exist, but when we ignore the most vulnerable amongst us we avoid taking action against it and, unfortunately, aid in perpetuating it. My biggest hope is that you don’t browse through this article and move on with you life, but that it helps you to take action.
I am passionate about this subject specifically because I feel like it hits so close to home. Those youth were my friends. They had the same aspirations, dreams, interests, fears, and needs that we all have. This post is not meant to invoke pity or some kind of savior complex, but to help educate. It could be you, it could be me, so we need to work together to make sure this abuse does not continue.
Important things I learned from Trafficking Survivors:
- Like I illustrated in my first story, trafficking victims generally have immediate needs that are unmet and therefore they are forced to find quick ways to make money in the only ways they are able. Pimps are trained to seek out and exploit these vulnerable people.
- Speaking of pimps, there are different kinds of pimps and they use different techniques to achieve their goals.
- Finesse pimps are experts at sweet talking and are able to convince their victims that they “love” them and are trying to help them. I often heard “He slept with everyone, but I know that I was his favorite. We always had a special bond”.
- Brute pimps will straight up kidnap their victims and use physical abuse, drugs, threats, and physical barriers to keep them captive.
- Lazy pimps leech off of victims by using them for money while putting in minimal effort. They will generally not hold a job and enjoy being taken care of by victims, using pity and coercion to keep them working.
- Prostitution is illegal in the United States. Because of this, trafficking victims are often arrested by the police and treated like criminals. Pimps will often come and pay their bail to have them out working again later that night. (If we truly wanted to solve this problem we would focus on harsh punishment for “Johns” (the people that pay for time with “prostitutes”), but more about that in a future post).
- On that note, what is the difference between a trafficking victim and a willing sex worker? It is hard to know from the outside observer. There definitely are people that genuinely love what they do, but many are forced into the industry by coercion of pimps or necessity. However, all sex workers are exposed to high rates of physical violence, sexual violence, STDs, etc.
- Victims vs. Survivors: I hate to use the term “victim”. I feel like it puts a label on people and invokes a pity type response, which is not what they need. I purely reserve the “victim” label for people that are still victimized. I prefer survivor not to minimize the abuse done to them, but to express that they should not be defined by their abuse. This goes for any kind of survivor.
- Not all victims are female! I encountered many male youth in my work as well. Even though the majority are cis female, there is a “market” for every gender.
- If there was no demand there would be no supply. One of my mentors described a trip in a foreign country where she was solicited by a pimp on the road who asked her “What do you like? Do you want little boys? Little girls?” And what horrified me the most is that you never know who might be “demanding”. We once went to an amusement park as a group and we had to leave because a youth recognized one of their clients. He was a middle aged man with his wife and young children. She told us that she had seen him twice a week for the past year or so.
- Most trafficking victims would otherwise be homeless. One of our clients was kicked out of our program for using drugs in our facility, and I was brought to tears as she talked to her mom, begging her to take her in. I remember her saying “You have to. You have to. I will talk to (boyfriend), but I need a place to stay”. Again, this was a thirteen year old girl. What were you worried about when you were thirteen?
- I always love when people use the “They should just get a job!” excuse when talking about homeless people/trafficking victims. AGAIN, these are CHILDREN. They are not legally allowed to work. They often have broken families or are part of the foster system. In every single case the system has failed them and it is no fault of their own. People do not end up on the streets because they are lazy. There is always a reason.
- Don’t give money to people, especially children, on the streets. It may seem like an act of kindness, but the reality is that you never know where a person is in their journey and who/what the money is going toward. Someone may be trying to beat an addiction, they may be forced to get money for an abusive partner, or they may just need a place to stay or a bite to eat. You just never know. Instead of giving money to individuals, I advise a few different options: a) keeping a stash of care kits in your car with a few care items, b) donating money to your local shelters, soup kitchens, or other care organizations, c) offering to buy a meal or coffee, or d) (and you should be doing this in general) supporting and voting for legislation or candidates who have clear plans, goals, and programs to end homelessness.
- All of trafficking is preventable. There is hope! With appropriate education, intervention, and support systems in place, trafficking could be theoretically abolished. Stay tuned for my favorite ways to get involved, but in the mean time learn more from an amazing organization: https://www.notforsalecampaign.org
The Bauermeister Farm 